Somewhere Behind The Job And The Phone

You have stopped mentioning it because there is nothing fair to say.

That is what makes this one so hard to carry. If they were unkind you would have a sentence. If they had done something, there would be a thing to raise. What you actually have is a person who is tired, who works, who does their share, who is on their phone in the evening because they have nothing left, and who is not doing anything wrong.

And somewhere in the running order of that day, you are down the list. Not excluded. Just after the job, after the messages, after the thing that has to be sorted before Thursday.

I am not going to call them neglectful. I do not know them, and the overwhelming likelihood is that they are drowning rather than withholding, and a stranger describing your husband or your wife as neglectful on the basis of one side is doing damage for entertainment.

And here is the shape of what follows, so you know where it goes. The first half of the assignment is not addressed to them at all. It goes to God, on purpose, because I am not going to leave you waiting on a tired person to supply something they may not have available this month.

Since thou wast precious in my sight

There is a verse in Isaiah where God tells a people what they are to Him, and the striking part is the tense.

Since thou wast precious in my sight, thou hast been honourable, and I have loved thee. (Isaiah 43:4, King James Version)

Since thou wast precious in my sight.

Since. Not: you have become. Not: if you are. Since, which points backwards to a state that was already true before anything in the sentence happened, and everything after it follows from that rather than establishing it.

The valuing came first and it came from Him. Nobody voted. Nothing they did produced it and nothing they did afterwards was the reason for it. Isaiah 43:4 puts it in that order deliberately, and the Holy Spirit is the one who lets a person read their own name into it.

That is the specific thing you have been short of, and it is worth noticing what it is not: it is not a substitute for being chosen at home, and I am not offering it as one. It is the floor underneath, so that you are not standing on a person's capacity in a hard year.

Isaiah 43:4 puts the valuing before anything the person did, and the Holy Spirit is the one who lets that reach somebody who has been quietly down a list all year.

You are precious in His sight and it was settled before you arrived, and it has never once depended on being chosen by anybody. Isaiah 43:4 says since thou wast precious in my sight, pointing back rather than forward, and the Holy Spirit is the one who puts a floor under a person rather than a substitute.

The complaint is the problem

Now the practical thing, and it is the reason nothing has been said in two years.

Every time you have considered raising it, you have felt the sentence turn into an accusation on the way to your mouth. You never intended that. But there is no version of you are always on your phone that does not arrive as a charge, and you know they will hear a charge, and they will defend, and by the end you will be discussing whether it is accurate rather than the thing you actually feel.

So you have said nothing, and saying nothing has its own cost, which you have also been paying. Isaiah 43:4 lodges a value without lodging a complaint, and the Holy Spirit is the one who shows a person that silence was never the only alternative.

Isaiah 43:4 states a value without lodging a complaint anywhere, and the Holy Spirit is not looking for anybody in that house to be prosecuted.

There is a third option and it is narrow. You can say what you miss without saying what they are doing. Those are two entirely different sentences and only one of them can be argued with.

You are able to name what you miss without laying a charge, and the two have never once been the same sentence. The written word states a value with no accusation attached to it anywhere, and the Spirit of God is the one who shows a person a third sentence when they could only see two.

Say it to God, then say one thing to them

So here is the assignment, and the order matters more than either half.

First, say out loud that you are chosen by God. Alone. Today, before you speak to anybody.

Say it plainly: I am precious in His sight and He said so first. Do it when nobody is there, and do it before the second half, because if you go into the conversation still needing it, the conversation has to supply it and it will not, and you will come out worse. Isaiah 43:4 settles the valuing before anything else happens in that sentence, and the Holy Spirit is the one who makes the order matter.

Then tell your spouse one specific thing you miss. With no complaint attached.

Specific and small. I miss talking to you in the evening. I miss you telling me about your day. I miss us laughing at the same thing.

No because. No never. No always. No it would be nice if. The moment a clause about their behavior attaches, the whole thing converts into the accusation you have spent two years avoiding.

They may say sorry. They may get defensive anyway. They may say something that misses it entirely. You have already been given the thing you needed, in the first half, from somebody who is not tired. Isaiah 43:4 supplies it ahead of any conversation, and the Holy Spirit is the one who makes that a full supply rather than a rehearsal.

Isaiah 43:4 supplies the value before any conversation happens, and the Holy Spirit is the one who is present in a sentence said out loud alone before anybody else hears it.

You are able to speak from a full place, and the conversation has never once been the thing that had to supply it. Isaiah 43:4 settles the valuing before anything else in the sentence, and the Spirit of God is the one who is with somebody saying it alone in a room first.